Remember Before Its Too Late

I never knew that I meant that much to you
I never knew you cared what I thought
I always thought you knew everything
but chose not to share with us

You seemed so confident, yet quiet
I thought you could but wouldn't
I yearned to be close to you, to know you
and for you to love and appreciate me

I understood that our family had a code of silence
when it came to talk of feelings and relationships
I was too obedient to break that code
I feared your disapproval or scorn
so I went elsewhere

Now I have my own friends and children
and I hear your request to be close
but the distance that slowly grew up through the years
is hard to bridge

My heart aches for the lost hours and days
for the time I could have learned from you
and you from me
and the adventures we could have shared
I see how you relate to the grandchildren now
and am jealous
I wish we would have had that bond, that closeness
But you were busy then, and the drain of the business
left little energy for us

I must hold on to the realization
of how precious are these connections;
how precious and fragile
and how much investment they require

As I look back at what we missed,
I want to try to cultivate what I can
with the too few days that might be left
with you
and with my own children

I keep recalling the phrase
"There's no sadder thing,
than what might have been.

                                             - Poem by Leslie Dashew
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